Bipolar!

I am a major bipolar person whom also has OCD and ADHD, which if I only had one thing I think it would my world a lot easier. But I have all three and days like today it really makes it so hard. I have this world in my mind in which everything is always perfect! In my mind my house should always be clean and everything in it spot. My clothes always wash, dry, and put up in there place. I would not be so in debt that I lose my mind every month. I would have a job in which I would make a lot money and be able to still have all the time in the world to do what I wanted when I wanted. But the real world in which I live is nothing like that. My house is always in need of being clean and it seems the more I do the more it needs it. The clothes are always dirty, and after last month they are really back up. Our dryer went out last month and we had to get a new one. We did go to my mom's and do to some clothes but once we made up our mind to go get a new set we did not go wash any more so when we got the new set there were about a month of clothes on the floor. My dishes are always needing to be wash and I HATE washing them they end up sitting there longer then I would like. I am in debt up to my head! Which makes me go nuts every month when trying to put together our budget for the month. I we have not play room in our budget which kills me when there is something I would like do to with Dakota or for our self. I hate when I go somewhere and I watch everyone else with money be able to do what I wish I could. When I do I end up crying later. And I think that only makes it harder  because then I feel so stupid for crying our something that is my fault. I want to do something with my life in which I would make more money but I don't know what that something is. I have all kind of ideas but I don't know which one to do for a career.
While all of those things look bad if I could get over this perfect world in my head I could see that the world I live in is perfect. I would see that I have a happy and healthy baby girl. She has a daddy who loves her more than anything and I have a husband whom loves me every day. I would also see that the house that always needs to be clean means that we have the time to play with our baby girl and that we have the things to have a mess house. That the dishes mean that we have food to eat. The clothes all over the floor mean that we have more then enough clothes to wear even when you can't see the kitchen floor. The fact that we are in debt that makes me go nuts every month means that we are living and while I am going nuts we do make the money to pay our bills. The jobs we have do not make a lot of money but we have jobs which makes us lucky because there are so many people whom would love to have my perfect life. While I don't know what I want to do for a career I do have dreams which will keep me moving to reach them.
I wish I could remember this every time the real world was not as perfect as the one in my head. I hate have so many issues and I wish my baby girl did not have to put up with them. I know that they are easy for her to deal with. I wish I could just shut off the "perfect" world and just think about the here and now. I think to help me remember all the perfect things in my real world I am going to make a list and put them in a frame so that I can see it everyday and remember the real world is better then the one in my head.

Day 5

Day 5 picture:

I did not take this picture, my sister did! I love having and taking pictures of my little girl. She is only two and I do believe she has more pictures of herself then any other child. She loves getting dress up to have her pictures taking. She does have day where she will ask mommy to stop. The other day she pulled her hat over her face so I could not take any more. I am just glad today she was willing to let us take them!

Our new puppy Maggie. She is in love because she can pick her up!

I did take this one. She was putting some chip stick on.

Day 2,3,4

Well, like I always do I have gotten behind once again; so here are pictures from day 2, day 3, and day 4.

Day 2

This is a picture from the Lazy 5 ranch in NC. It is a reindeer. It is not that clear but I think the way it turned out is so great. I don't know if I could get it to turn out like this again if I wanted to. We went to the ranch with family and some new friends. We had so much fun! It was a great fall day, the sun was shining but not to hot that you was thinking I am going to die if  I don't get inside. We got to see a lot of animals and touch some that we would not having ever dream of touching in our life time. It was a great day!

Day 3

This is  my baby girl "cheesing" on our great NC fall days! She had her great hat and fall clothes that we have been wanting a month to put back on. We love the fall here in NC, all the great colors, lots of blankets, and hot coco!

Day 4

My sister came and stayed tonight and we did lots and lots of crafts. We made her a tutu for Halloween! We made some legges, and some jewelry! We have never made jewelry before and it was lots of fun!

Simple is good.

Simple is good. - Jim Henson.

I have started my pictures for my 31 days! YAY!

This is love! My baby girl wearing her monkey shirt; when she wants to wear it she make the sound that a monkey. Her legs that I made for her and some sock that we had that matched just right, and the great Once upon a child find, the hat! The face is a mix of her cheese face and the you are not going to get this picture face! I am in love with this girl. So once picture down 30 more to go.

Well, there has been somethings going on in my life the last few days that have really had me thinking about some many things. First on Friday I had a normal healthy man die in my arms. I don't mean he was sick or had been for awhile. This man was healthy for a men his age (60+) and had came to the nursing home to regain his strong and go home. Minutes before this happened we were talking about him going home for the holidays and his family, then the next he was gone. I just hear what we were saying in my head. How do you go on knowing that you were the last one to ever hear this person talk?  How do you get those "last" words out of your head? I had never had this happened so once this all started I had the worst panic attack. But once it was over I was like super women running down the hall hoping that we could save this man and that he would be home for the holidays.
It made all that was so wrong in my life at moment seem so small. While I still have bills that have to be paid and that I still don't know how it will all work out but I know that it will. I know that it always works out! I am also trying to let the small bad thing go and let the small big thing shine.
Today, my family went to the Lazy 5 Ranch in NC. We had so much fun and saw so many things. I did take lots of pictures but have not load them let, so once I do I will share.
So here is my thought for today....
Simple is good! So I am going for the simple in life. Maybe if I keep it simple the rest will just fall into place!